Friday, April 15, 2005

Unitarian Jihad: what's in a name? 

The Unitarian Jihad is growing. Get your own Jihad name today!

When I mentioned earlier this week that 'Sister Clusterbomb of Tranquility' perhaps wasn't really 'me,' I had no idea that there were others out there hard at work providing names for new jihadists. You now have several sources for your jihad name:

The Unitarian Jihad Name Generator has dubbed me Sister Pepper Spray of Sweet Reason.

The First Reformed Unitarian Jihad Name Generator has named me Sister Katana of Mindful Hope. For those who might not know, a katana is "a Japanese sword, with a curved, single-edged blade twenty-four to thirty-six inches long." (From the Weapons Glossary at You and Whose Army?, sent to me by the always informative Isabella.)

But wait! There's more! Rum and Monkey's Unitarian Jihad Name Generator has bestowed on me the title of Mother Mutual Assured Destruction of Appreciative Joy.

Why have only one? You never know when you're going to need another Jihad alias.

In closing, my esteemed husband, known alternately as Brother Plasma Rifle of Love and Venerable Smith & Wesson of Lovingkindness (hmmm... I sense a theme here), and our three cats, Sister Molotov Cocktail of Discussion, Brother Chakram of Courteous Understanding and Brother Atom Bomb of Serenity (in the same order as on the sidebar), wish to share with you further news from the jihad:

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

The blessings of tolerance, reason, understanding and joy to you all on this day!

(Gracious thanks to Sister Peaceful Neutron Bomb of Moderate Joy for the reference to the name providers.)